My Hair Journey

Growing up in a household amongst two boys and two girls, you can only imagine how hard it was for my mum. Especially the fact she was basically on her own for the best... and worst parts of our upbringing. Now let's not get it twisted! Fortunately for us we did get to see our dad on a weekly basis and still to this day have a great relationship with him. He did his best to support us as a family and he did a great job at that. We all turned out... ok! 😃

...But less about that. More about hair! That being said about my mum struggling with four children, the hair situation with me and my sister was basically a nightmare. My mother is Caucasian and father is Jamaican. The best of both worlds you think? Not for hair. Especially when back in the day there wasn't any or many I should say—styling products or tools for curly/kinky/coily type hair. Now don't get me wrong, my mum did try her best to style my hair but it was just either too thick or wouldn't stay In place. She needed a easier routine. After years of trying she took me to a Caucasian hairdressers for advice hoping for the best. They didn't have a clue! But made out like they did. They advised her that "maybe you should blow-dry or straighten your daughter's hair." She refused of course because I was still only young and she didn't want to ruin or burn my hair. That's when they gave her another option. Told her my hair would be so much more easier to mange and softer and much more "normal" like. 🤔 The only thing they didn't tell her was my natural hair state would never be the same again, my curl definition would disappear and it wouldn't revert back. By now you must know where I'm going with this!? Yeah she got the RELAXER or "reverse perm" as my mum used to call it 😂.

Oh yes! That little box relaxer worked wonders for my hair in my mum's eyes... Mine too! My hair was so soft, shinny and even looked a little bit like my friends' hair in school. As a child I was brought up in a "white" neighborhood so that's all I knew. All I wanted was to have hair just like my friends. Long straight and easy to manage and with this relaxer.. I did! I was so happy and everyone loved my new hair!

As the years went on, I continued to use my fabulous relaxer once every six to eight weeks. Then I discovered straighteners and this changed the whole game for my hair! #Gamechanger !!! Just when I thought things couldn't get better with my hair, well... IT DID. My hair was flawlessly straight. But little did I know the damage all this was causing.

Secondary school was the best time of my life. I only realised this when I left! I went to a school with kids from all different ethnic backgrounds, walks of life and of course... hair! As you can imagine, I kept on using the relaxer but started to notice my hair break off. I started panicking and didn't no what to do. My mum told me to maybe stop using the straighteners. So I did. I wore my hair out in a wavy curly state but didn't use the relaxer for a few good months. That's when I started to see "Afro roots" growing. I was thinking "Ughhh. They need to go!" and so I went back to the relaxer and carried on using this until about 2013. So from the age of 10 to about 21, I never really knew my real hair texture and what damage the relaxer was causing. I actually forgot I had curly hair.

2013 was when I decided to ditch the relaxer and discovered this "Natural Hair Movement" this was trending crazy on YouTube! I was obsessed with discovering hair styles for my hair and what I could do to get my natural hair back. I didn't want to "big chop" my hair. (cutting all my relaxed / damaged ends off) because it was too short. So for the time being I decided to use protective styles or simply just wear my hair in a bun. Boring hairstyle I know, but it really did protect my hair. I used these styles for about two years.

Then came the weave. I promised myself that I would never ever EVER get one but you know, never say never. 😂 I got these "deep wave curl" extensions sewn into my hair and I'm not even gonna lie my hair looked FIRE y'all 😂, it was so nice. So long and even better my natural hair was being protected through out. It gave me the confidence boost I needed from when my hair looked so damaged. I'd usually get new hair and a new sew in every month or 2. I had this weave for about a year and a half before I decided it just didn't suit my lifestyle. I work in hospitality so I had to tie my hair up all the time and this hair just wasn't meant for that. It was supposed to be worn out. Not only that, it was becoming a little too expensive for me so once again I decided to ditch that! Can you guess what happened next? You got it! I relaxed my hair again!........

Nah I'm just kidding! 😂 As if! Although when I took my weave out I noticed how much my natural hair had grown. The only problem was that half of it was natural hair the other was relaxed. So I plucked up the courage, picked up the scissors, and chopped every single last damaged and relaxed hair off. I instantly felt relief and I saw my natural hair state for the first time in like... FOREVER! Curls, kinks and coils where blossoming out of my head and I loved every minute of it. I knew from that moment on I would never touch a relaxer again in my life. That's when I started reminiscing of when I was a child. Of how bad I wanted to look like my friends and have the same straight hair as them. All because that was the norm. It was normal to have straight hair and not so much to have curly. I changed my hair because society told me to. Society couldn't handle my natural hair so made me change it. My hair, being a part of me, I changed who I truly was. Regret is what I felt but you can't blame me. Thats just the way things where and I bet some can relate.

Just for the record! There is absolutely nothing wrong with straightening or relaxing your hair but just do it because YOU want to do it. Not because society says so!

This whole journey has not only been about hair but about self discovery too. I gained confidence and I am so happy with how my hair is now and I know it can only get better. I am far from where I want to be but a million miles from what it was. So I will just keep on pushing and doing what I'm doing. Thank you for taking the time out to read this story and hope I have inspired others out there in similar situations.

Love yourself.